The NBA Dribbled Out

David Stern says he’s stepping down February 1, 2014, having reached the 30 year mark as the commissioner of the league. Right now he’s the longested tenured commissioner of a professional sports league and if he makes it to the date mentioned, he’ll best Pete Rozelle’s 29-year reign turning professional football into the concussion-smattered, billion dollar behemoth it is today. Deputy Adam Silver, will take over.

Because it’s Stern, most of the season previews are already up, and the season hasn’t started yet, some people* wrote some words about the announcement. Lets go through them, and try and shield ourselves from all the mentions of Stern’s “legacy;” a word I now hate with the power of a thousand suns:

[Pics of Stern via SI Vault]

*By this I mean: every single person that writes about basketball on the Internet****

**And yes, I’m aware I’ve been very gif-heavy lately, and I’m sure Buzzfeed provides some combination of words that form actual sentences about sports, they might even provide orginal content about sports (though that’s highly doubtful), but Lincoln’s contributions leave me feeling as if I just received a poorly done brain transplant; like I’ve just watched a Lady Gaga music video on loop for 3 hours with my eyes peeled back like Burgess’ Alex in A Clockwork Orange

***Full disclosure: I sometimes contribute to Dime Mag, but holy hell, they appear to be the only ones that can attack this news with something approaching an original perspective. Why is this?

****I hope Trey Kerby, Dan Devine, Eric Freeman, or Kelly Dwyer figure out a better angle. They’re my last hope!

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